Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
