Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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