at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
