he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
