If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize