I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
