you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
