you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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