The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
