She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
