we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
