Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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