He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your mouth is God's brothel.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
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My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
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And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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