you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
