my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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