don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
