this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
