hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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