I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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