also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
