and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
