Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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