U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
