You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
