So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
