Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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