"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
