When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
