just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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