I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We are all done wearing pants today
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
