you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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