Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
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Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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