the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
