I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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