also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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