He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
