Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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