I think I won the penis lottery.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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