New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
