I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
