Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
