The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
