I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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