First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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