great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
