I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
