Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
