Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
