WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
