TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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