my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
