Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
