At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
