absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
