If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
