Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
