Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
