We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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