I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
