ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Houston, we have a blender
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
