a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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