perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
