I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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