You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
